What to Say When a Friend’s Horse Dies

We never have enough time with our horses. If you’ve been around them long enough, chances are you have lost one precious to you or you know someone who has. Some horses are with us for decades and live a great life until a ripe old age. Others we lose prematurely as young horses. I have two friends who’ve lost foals in recent years. Regardless of the age or circumstance surrounding its passing, sometimes it’s hard to know what to say when a friend’s horse dies.

Over the years I’ve heard beautiful phrases and witnessed touching acts of kindness in the wake of a horse’s passing. I hope this information is helpful to you. If you have ideas for additional comforting words, please comment on this post so we can all benefit from your experiences.

Words to Say When a Horse Dies

“I’m so glad she had you and that you had her.”

I received a dog sympathy card about a year ago when my beloved Doberman died unexpectedly. It came with flowers–tulips I believe. I loved this expression because it was sweet and not overly sentimental. Just facts that reflected my dog and I were a good team. Reading that phrase made me cry, but it also comforted me. The same phrase could be used for a horse.

“When you’re ready, come ride my horse.”

Losing a horse is not only painful in saying goodbye to a best friend. It’s also often the loss of a place to go and a community to be part of. I’ve always been a boarder. The barn is my happy place and a social outlet. For bereaved horse people (who only own one horse) it can be a triple loss: the loss of the horse, loss of riding and loss of barn friends. By gently inviting your friend to ride your horse, you are bringing them back into community.

“I’m so sorry. This is so hard.”

This phrase is really self-explanatory. It IS hard to lose a horse. As a fellow horse lover expressing condolences with, “I’m sorry,” the griever will know you have them on your heart. Sometimes less is more.

Read How to Grieve the Loss of a Horse in 10 Not-So-Easy Steps

“If you would like to talk, I’m here for you. If you want to just go have lunch and not talk about it, I’m available.”

People process grief differently. Some folks might gain comfort talking about their loss and going through the chronology of their horse’s death. Others won’t want to discuss it.

What can be helpful in the wake of a tragic loss, such as losing a horse, is to just have caring friends around. A close horse friend I’ve known for decades lost a senior horse to colic. She shared one of her friends came over to her house the next day and took her to breakfast. It soothed her soul in that painful process.

“You had a one-of-a-kind relationship. I know how much you loved and cared for him/her.”

Really, any affirmation of the special bond a horse and horse owner shared is precious and comforting. Sending a note with a sweet reminiscence of a time you observed the unique relationship the rider and horse had would be a treasured memory. I still have a horse sympathy card I received in 2010.

Special Situation Phrases and What NOT to Say

A friend once shared with me after her horse died, her mom told her, “He had to leave you so another horse could have the love you gave him.”

She said she felt much better after hearing that. That expression would seem to hold up well in a family situation or with a person from an older generation sharing with a younger horse lover. It’s beautiful, but I would recommend evaluating who your griever is to determine if that phrase would suit him or her.

If a horse owner has to make the terrible decision to put the horse down, words such as “You made the right decision,” or “She is no longer suffering,” can help a friend feel better about a bad situation. As I mentioned earlier in this post, I lost my beloved dog a year ago. A friend came over to my house immediately and said, “She didn’t suffer.” I was numb, but knew she was right.

Some words are not at all helpful, such as “I know exactly how you feel,” because the reality is, even if you have lost a horse, you don’t now exactly how the bereaved horse lover is feeling. A better way to express empathetic sentiment would be something like,“I have experienced this pain of losing a horse too, you are not alone.”

Often the best thing to say is not a sentence formulated with kind words, but to “say” something by taking action. Hugs, cards, flowers, and an invitation to ride your horse might be what gives your sad friend hope.

When I wrote my book for grieving horse lovers, Strands of Hope: How to Grieve the Loss of a Horse, Lauren, one of the contributors who had to say goodbye too soon to a young horse, shared a friend in Europe told her “Your love for that horse resonates across the seas.” And that phrase made her feel a little bit better.

That’s a beautiful string of words. And the fact you are here reading this blog post means your love for a grieving horse owner resonates too.

Question: If you have ever lost a horse, what words proved especially comforting to you? 

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