What to Say When a Friend’s Horse Dies

We never seem to have enough time with our horses. If you’ve been around them long enough, chances are you’ve lost one who meant the world to you—or you know someone who has. Some horses stay with us for decades, living long, full lives. Others are taken too soon. I have two friends who recently lost foals, and their grief is a reminder of how fragile and precious these bonds are.

No matter the age or circumstance, it can be hard to find the right words when a friend’s horse dies. I never set out to become a top search result for “how to grieve a horse,” but several years ago, I wrote a blog post about the loss of my own horse. That post eventually led to my book, Strands of Hope: How to Grieve the Loss of a Horse, where I share the story of saying goodbye to my 23-year-old Thoroughbred. He’d been my heart horse for 16 years. Writing about how I coped has, I hope, offered a bit of comfort to others navigating similar heartbreak.

Over the years I’ve heard beautiful phrases and witnessed touching acts of kindness in the wake of a horse’s passing. I hope this information is helpful to you. If you have ideas for additional comforting words, please comment on this post so we can all benefit from your experiences.

Words to Say When a Horse Dies

“I’m so glad she had you and that you had her.”

I received a dog sympathy card when my beloved Doberman died unexpectedly. It came with flowers–tulips I believe. I loved this expression because it was sweet and not overly sentimental. Just facts that reflected my dog and I were a good team. Reading that phrase made me cry, but it also comforted me. The same phrase could be used for a horse.

“When you’re ready, come ride my horse.”

Losing a horse is not only painful in saying goodbye to a best friend. It’s also often the loss of a place to go and a community to be part of. I’ve always been a boarder. The barn is my happy place and a social outlet. For bereaved horse people (who only own one horse) it can be a triple loss: the loss of the horse, loss of riding and loss of barn friends. By gently inviting your friend to ride your horse, you are bringing them back into community.

“I’m so sorry. This is so hard.”

This phrase is really self-explanatory. It IS hard to lose a horse. As a fellow horse lover expressing condolences with, “I’m sorry,” the griever will know you have them on your heart. Sometimes less is more.

Read this related blog post >>How to Grieve the Loss of a Horse in 10 Not-So-Easy Steps

“If you would like to talk, I’m here for you. If you want to just go have lunch and not talk about it, I’m available.”

People process grief differently. Some folks might gain comfort talking about their loss and going through the chronology of their horse’s death. Others won’t want to discuss it.

What can be helpful in the wake of a tragic loss, such as losing a horse, is to just have caring friends around. A close horse friend I’ve known for decades lost a senior horse to colic. She shared one of her friends came over to her house the next day and took her to breakfast. It soothed her soul in that painful process.

I wrote Strands of Hope to share how I processed the loss of my heart horse.

“You had a one-of-a-kind relationship. I know how much you loved and cared for him/her.”

Really, any affirmation of the special bond a horse and horse owner shared is precious and comforting. Sending a note with a sweet reminiscence of a time you observed the unique relationship the rider and horse had would be a treasured memory. I still have a horse sympathy card I received in 2010.

Special Situation Phrases and What NOT to Say

A friend once shared with me after her horse died, her mom told her, “He had to leave you so another horse could have the love you gave him.”

She said she felt much better after hearing that. That expression would seem to hold up well in a family situation or with a person from an older generation sharing with a younger horse lover. It’s beautiful, but I would recommend evaluating who your griever is to determine if that phrase would suit him or her.

If a horse owner has to make the terrible decision to put the horse down, words such as “You made the right decision,” or “She is no longer suffering,” can help a friend feel better about a bad situation. As I mentioned earlier in this post, I lost my beloved dog unexpectedly a while back. A friend came over to my house immediately and said, “She didn’t suffer.” I was numb, but knew she was right.

Some words are not at all helpful, such as “I know exactly how you feel,” because the reality is, even if you have lost a horse, you don’t know exactly how the bereaved horse lover is feeling. A better way to express an empathetic sentiment would be something like, “I have experienced this pain of losing a horse too, and you are not alone.”

Often the best thing to say is not a sentence formulated with kind words, but to “say” something by taking action. Hugs, cards, flowers, and an invitation to ride your horse might be what gives your sad friend hope.

When I wrote my book for grieving horse lovers, Strands of Hope: How to Grieve the Loss of a Horse, Lauren, one of the contributors who had to say goodbye too soon to a young horse, shared a friend in Europe told her “Your love for that horse resonates across the seas.” And that phrase made her feel a little bit better.

That’s a beautiful string of words. And the fact you are here reading this blog post means your love for a grieving horse owner resonates too.

I’m really sorry that you and/or your friend are having to go through this tragic loss. There’s really never enough time with the ones we love. 

If you found this blog post helpful, I hope you’ll trot along with my hunky OTTB and me on Instagram and Facebook.

Question: If you have ever lost a horse, what words proved especially comforting to you? 

If you would like a personalized, signed copy of my horse grief book, Strands of Hope, you can order on my author’s site here and send me a message sharing who the book is for and in honor of what horse I can sign it and I’ll send it out to them. I hope you all find great comfort.